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  • Radical Rituals at B ...
    This year I’m
    doing something
    different than my
    usual tradition of
    pithy punch list of
    lessons learned to
    wrap this series of
    entries up.
    I’m writing
    this last entry
    exactly two weeks
    after we got home
    from the burn, b ...
  • Radical Rituals at B ...
    Monday morning I
    woke up early and
    decided that I
    wanted to do one
    more personal ritual
    before we had to
    break down and pack
    up our yurt and load
    the truck and leave.
    So I took my handpan
    and one of our
    little chairs and
    walked ou ...
  • Radical Rituals at B ...
    Sunday is always a
    tough day at the
    burn because we have
    to strike
    tough physically of
    course but
    it’s also
    tough emotionally
    because it feels
    like the setting and
    the vibe we worked
    so hard to put toge ...
  • Radical Rituals at B ...
    Saturday was my only
    day with nothing
    pre-planned and
    nothing I had
    committed to do. The
    burn was almost over
    and I was starting
    to feel nibbles of
    FOMO (Fear Of
    Missing Out) so I
    was determined to go
    see some more art
    (especially ...
  • Radical Rituals at B ...
    Because I had
    actually gotten
    enough sleep, I woke
    up reasonably early
    on Friday morning.
    Josh was still
    asleep, but I wanted
    to take advantage of
    the relative
    coolness of the
    morning and go do
    something. So I
    decided to take my h ...


A blog in which Our Heroine records, reflects and wrestles with meaning. With lots of asides.
Tags >> lessons

Doing and Being

Posted by: julia

Tagged in: wrestle , solipsistic , reflect , record , memory , life , lessons , cancer

A cancer diagnosis seems to trigger this immediate need in others to DO something, to help, to soothe. Which I totally get, and is well meaning, so therefore appreciated. But there's nothing (yet) to do. There's only this weird new place to BE, where nothing is happening but everything is suddenly, radically different, and it's a threatening and uncomfortable place that most people really don't want to be (hell, *I* don't want to be here). So it's also a lonely place. A place that everyone else can choose whether or not to visit...but not me. I have no choice and no say in the matter. I'm stuck here, until one way or another I'm not. I'm thinking a lot about acceptance and surrender and trying to learn to love this place or at least appreciate whatever perspective it has to offer, but holy Moses it is super challenging, to say the least. (Yes, a challenge I am totally ready for and supported through, and one I am sure I'll conquer, but that's not my point here. So no need for insistent optimism or perky platitudes. I'm way ahead of you.)

And don't tell me everything is going to be okay, because you don't really know either.

Cancer Clarifications

Posted by: julia

Tagged in: wrestle , solipsistic , reflect , record , memory , life , lessons , identity work , cancer

I am so humbled and uplifted by the many heartfelt responses to my cancer news from the mix of beautiful people that make up all my many communities. You people seriously give me faith in humanity.

I realized though from some of those lovely responses that perhaps I was being too vague in my original post yesterday, so in my usual spirit of full disclosure (and at the risk of oversharing) please let me clarify a couple of things:

1) What I'm dealing with here is "garden variety" breast cancer (specifically, invasive ductal carcinoma, and even more specifically the hormone positive kind, which is good). Theoretically this is not related or only distantly related to my bout with Hodgkins Disease back in 1992. It was found through a routine mammogram a couple weeks ago, which triggered a follow up mammogram right before I left for Burning Man and then that in turn triggered a biopsy appointment a few days after I returned (boy I'm glad I waited on that!) The biopsy results just came back yesterday.

This is a placeholder post...more Burning Man stories to come.

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